A friend told me that it’s tiring to give in so much to your friends or your beloved one without receiving anything in return. No matter how hard you try, you’ll still end up feeling tired and hopeless one day, so it’s just a matter of how long you can prolong the period before bursting it out.
For one second, I thought of myself because I’m currently at this stage. I’m just trying hard to prolong the period and ignoring the reality from time to time. I’m hypnotizing myself that everything will eventually be fine and soon enough, they will appreciate my efforts. I really don’t expect everyone to treat me better or repay me for what I have done for them, but just the thought of appreciation will make me feel grateful.
Unfortunately things don’t work that way. I forgot that things are not measured on a scale and equilibrium is not important in the real world at all. The more effort I put in, the nearer I’ll fall into the pit and return to the grey zone. I forgot that I’m so scared to go back to the grey zone again. Like a balloon, the triumph of flying in the sky will still be hit by the disappointment for its complete disappearance after a while.
I thought of myself, and I thought of you. Here's what I think about our friendship.
Sometimes you don’t really seem to care for me as a friend when you say you do. You can’t seem to be there when I need you the most.But I had so much faith in our friendship, I gave in and compromised, and I anticipated for the outcome. I really tried and gave my best, but you didn't seem to appreciate much, so I know that it’s time to move on.
When expectation turns into exhaustion and disappointment, I’ll feel tired and fragile. But it’s also when I realize my stupidity and step up to confront with the truth, I’ll regain my strength and dignity. I know it’s not worth it. Maybe, you don't deserve it.
Been stupid for once, been stupid for twice, I can’t blame anyone for treating me this way and hurting me this bad, because I chose to believe them in the first place.But I really hope that there won’t be a third time anymore as it slaps my face really hard.Sometimes I'm just unlucky, and this is definitely one of those times.I guess I won’t be able to see the ideal outcome,since the possibility of it is like waiting for rain in the drought. Instead of anticipating so much from you, I guess it's time for me to walk out of your circle and move on from now onwards.
Because, I’ve promised you guys that I will take good care of myself and I will work my promise. I'm just unwell and tired at the moment, tired of being a YES person.
Thank you for teaching me a lesson.