First sunset of the year

Watching sunset is like a privilege here, sometimes the weather may get too gloomy to have seen it obviously, or simply my schedule can’t fit well for a 2-hour beach walk. But today, I took the effort of climbing down 471 staircases and watched my first sunset of the year.

I used to frequent this place last year, and I’m feeling a little guilty for abandoning the place for such a long time, due to a hectic schedule. Wreck beach is quite significant to me, it has accompanied me through thick and thin, through laughter and sentimental moments, and it’s also the place where I gained my stamina too!! I used to pause while climbing up to 175 stairs, but I can get up to 421 stairs without stopping nowadays, which I believe it’ll soon lead to a completion of climbing 471 stairs non-stop.

I listened to the same song I last listened at the beach, and spent some time reading and observing the surrounding calmly, the nature and people simply have so much to offer for me, and it’s amazing how these trivial things help in changing my mood and impression on the same song. Staying with the nature to end the weekend is definitely a bliss to me, as I feel so peaceful and secured when nature is embracing me front to front.

I think, I will do my first solo getaway trip this spring break and step on a foreign land on my own this time. I believe that it will be a good exposure to me.

Projects in 2011

I’ve a few projects along the pipeline this year. One of them is the photo shooting session for our new family portrait in this summer. A little different from last time whereby we posed in the studio, we’ll be shooting at outdoor this time and that excites me a lot, simply because outdoor creates such a natural and frenzy atmosphere for family portrait. Plus, I’m always proud with the scenery in our country, thus it’s a brilliant idea to have brought portraits out of the studio setting.

Another project I’ve is a duet shooting with my buddy Valerie in my upcoming NZ trip. Come to think about it, I’ve never taken more than 10 pictures with her throughout our 9-year friendship, thus her invitation sounds really unbelievable to me. I assume that she’s really coping well in front of the camera after her pole dancing experience. Anyway, according to her, we’ll take those ‘artistic’ photos in a free style and the photographer will compromise with our pose. I bet she’s really excited for my visit to have come out with this special event just for the both of us, and it's really an anticipating thing to have some new pictures added to our memory lane.

My third project is a video recording in Seoul. BFF starred in a video for her friend’s assignment last year and it came out incredibly well, thus we’ve this idea to record some interesting events during out trip and compose our very first BFF aka Seoulmate video. I’m never a video person, but I guess it’s definitely worth a try with the old friends.

Since winter-sonata-alike scenery is part of the essence of the trip also, we mah as well make use of the background, right right right??

Based on what I’ve in my list so far, 2011 is definitely going to be a photo shooting year for me. Let’s hope that the products will turn out well.

Be selfish for your own good

I had an in-depth conversation with my old friend a few days earlier, so deep that I thought I saw the shadow of myself when I was once put in the same shoes. I saw the previous self who was confronting the same dilemma, with the same options, and the choice fell on the question to weather prioritize myself first or the other person first.

She asked me : What should I do?

I paused for a while, that wasn’t a question out of my mind, I could have given her a rational answer if I was the same old me a few years back. But time can be a nasty thing sometimes, it changes a lot of things and retards my emotions, to the extent when I lost faith on things which were once perforable to my soul.

If possible, I wouldn’t want to see my best friend going through what I had gone through earlier and feeling the same uneasiness and despair in life. It was tough, I harmed myself too much and tore myself apart during the recovery.Now that I’m recovered, I’m really reluctant to see the repeat on another person, especially when it happens to the people that I care for life. Even if it’s meant to be selfish to the other people, I’m hoping that she can decide the best for herself, just for once, be selfish for your own good.

Then I smiled, I seemed to understand my past better after witnessing the same experience being put in another person’s life. I really wished I had a friend who gave me the push at the time, just like what I did to her. Making a start is not always the hardest thing to do, it’s the preparation you have to make in ending something that makes it painful.

Please, take my luck and blessing with you, for your blissfulness is a sweet serendipity of mine.I'm with you, my friend.

10 reasons to make me a happy soul

1.Will be meeting Valerie this summer in New Zealand!!It was originally a summer trip to Aus for both of us, but funny how it turned out to be a visiting trip to NZ ultimately. Anyway, she is one insane buddy who brings out the craziest side of me, thus I’m really excited that we’re going to meet up after 3 years.

WOOHOO VALERIE TAN, I’M COMING! LOTR I’M COMING TOO!!!

2. Received some candies from my lovely buddies few weeks ago. I really love my buddies because they know exactly how to satisfy my sweet tooth and happy soul.

3. Praised by a stranger at the bus stop. Stranger asked me about the bus schedule and the waiting time, and then he politely returned the favor by saying ‘You will definitely succeed in future because you know your time well.’

4.Re-watched one of my favourite music videos and it is still as captivating as the first time I watched it. I always have a thing for this song, regardless of day or night, it is just magical enough to slow down my pace for 4 minutes.

This is my favourite scene of the music video! It allows me to stay dreamy for a while and swaps away my exhaustion.

5. Went ice-skating with my buddy on a Friday evening. I’m getting better on ice although I exchanged it with a blister at the end of the day. But like my friend says : ‘old skin don’t go, new skin won’t grow’, so it’s definitely worth the pain for a better outcome sometimes.

6.Baby Kenn shaved his hair and he still looks adorable with the new Botak look. I heard him babbling over the phone a few days ago, craving for hugs when mom was talking to me. The voice itself was enough to immerse me into his cute expression.

I bet now you all know what my summer job is going to be!

7. J updated me about her wedding preparation in this summer, from the wedding dress, make-up artist to wedding location, and the most exciting part to me is her church wedding since it’ll be the first church wedding in the house. I dreamt about her wedding a few weeks back, in this grand hotel with golden pillars and many familiar faces chit-chatting in the hotel lobby.I think it’s a good sign for the biggest event of my summer this year.

July, please come faster!!!

8. Read a good line which says ‘Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present’.

9. Learned to communicate with my heart and understand how it compromises with my brain. I’ve no idea since when my brain and heart are rarely interconnected with each other, to the extent where they decided to go against each other and work individually 'literally'. Maybe it’s good to put both things together once in a while and listen to the new melody created.

10. Developed a new idea about ‘love’ in general after seeing so many little events happening to the couples around me. Love is happiest when it’s at its simplest, as I can see their blissful faces after doing something for someone they love. I feel contented seeing their happy faces, and I feel happy to have walked them to their destination. Sometimes I wonder, what can I give best to the people I love? Apart from the care and support, giving them the freedom to choose is the only thing I can do best. It's not that I don't need someone in my life, but whoever that comes back to me is destined, and whoever that fades away is just telling me that we're not meant to be, and so they should be free.

See, I'm complicating things again. Let's get back to the simple life!!!

First resolution of the year

It has been snowing for the N time in Vancouver since November. However, I realized that I never really get to take some nice pictures with snow this year. I am a snow person, tiny snowflakes make me feel my belonging here. Sun reminds me of home, snow reminds me of here, that’s how I relate weather to my root and its branches. Root will stay, but branches will grow, and that is just a reflection of myself inevitably. But like MK says, change is good, change is good, so hopefully these changes will bring me to another stage of life with more exposures and opportunities but less uncertainties.

J says she wants to see more snow pictures to keep up with the fantasy of snow. Thus, I’m here to declare my first resolution of the year: Take some nice pictures with snow x3

I feel loved.

Seoulmate took the effort to send a postcard to me during her backpacking trip. Someday, we should do a backpacking trip together, that way we will not have to see the mirror of ourselves for each other, we will be there for each other, feeling what each other feels.

Thank you Seoulmate, I feel loved.

Black angel brought me into her world of desserts.Nothing beats the gratitude of having someone who makes her time for me. Of all the words she could use to comfort me, she makes herself physically available for my confession. Now I sincerely feel that, ‘I’ll be there’ is definitely a sweeter word than ‘I love you’.

Thank you WX, I feel loved.

I’ve spent a significant amount of time in the kitchen inventing new recipes, and there I am , with a new dish, and I really started to be amazed by my cooking ability. It’s silly when I look back at the effort I’ve put in in improving myself for someone, besides convincing myself that things could work out with more effort.Although the purpose has changed now and I did not fulfill what I wished to do earlier, the skill and interest still remain and I’m now more equipped to serve my friends with more homemade meals.Thus, I should really thank the person who gears my motivation in enhancing my cooking skills.

Thank you, I feel much more matured now.

My new winter collection has finally arrived today. I always love the idea of maximization, whereby you spend the lowest amount of money possible for appropriate accessories and clothes to create various styles. I don’t like to buy expensive things either, simple because I’m not a constant person when it comes to fashion, I need something new in my wardrobe yearly. I don’t really mind people having preconceived idea in relating the amount of clothes a girl has to her expenditure level, because they have yet to discover the rationality I have when it comes to shopping. Most importantly, the thought that all my new winter clothes may convert to a sweater they buy delights me the uttermost.

Ooo I really love my fringe boots and new scarves so much!!

My previous pair of furry slippers is quite worn out, so I decided to fork out another 6 bucks for the extra warmth during the winter. Sheep sheep shall be the sister pair of my previous slippers, and accompany the one BFF got me.

Got a new buddy to replace the old one after 2 years of dream talking. The effort of saving every penny to earn something makes me feel accomplished, although that also implies the requirement of further job hunting and savings. Nevertheless, I'm glad that I worked my promise, and that is the first essential step of the massive upgrading process of the year.

January is also the month I’ve heard a lot of ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’. Thank you all, I feel loved from the bottom of my heart. It seems like a good start for the year, and I shall forget my achievements and glory to focus on my goals. Despite of my inability to foresee my future, there’s one thing I can be sure of- I will make 2011 a better year, I promise.

Minasan, ganbare!

一半

[因为我并不需要依靠我的过去或财富而活着。我只关心现在。如果你能活在当下这一刻，你就会活得很快乐。生命对你来说将会是一场飨宴，一个盛大的庆典，因为生命就在我们活着的每一个当下。]Paulo Coelho, “El Alquimista”

这是我最近临睡前都会看的书，我喜欢每晚都只看一点，细嚼它每一字每一句的涵义，因为当中有很多道理并不是能在区区的一个晚上就能被了解的事。也许只是临睡前15分钟的阅读时间，但却让我得到无限心灵上的扶持。

走过这几年，我常觉得自己只剩下一半，充裕的部分变得更充裕，掏空的部分也持续被掏空。它不会有真正被填满的一天，但也不会一直都待在原点，它就一直盘绕在增加与减少中，维持着那平衡点。这种感觉并不坏，因为只有当我怀着一半的心情站在观景台上，才能够看到真正需要学会的另一半。每一次的成功都是一种收获，它带我跨越一半的区域，扩展原有的风景；但每一次的失败也不会将我击退回零点，它只是带我回到一半的山腰，告诉我要再从那里开始努力地越过山顶。这样的我，不害怕接受批评，因为我还有一半进步的空间；不害怕失去，因为自己还拥有着一半；真心接受美好，去继续增加我原有的一半；领悟人生的不美满，那是人生一半的定律。

也许是因为这样，遇到不顺心的时候，我常回想起已拥有的一半人事物，然后对自己说：
‘没关系，其实我已经拥有了一半！’

最后，要感谢传授我看书治疗法的黑色小天使！你无私的陪伴就是我生活中美好的一半。

力量

一直都不喜欢觉得自己可怜，当我还有帮助别人的能力，

一直都习惯收起坏脾气，生气别人让我难以原谅自己，

一直都在坦然地面对真相，真相是带我走向明天的伯乐，

一直都不相信永远，当我还活在会老化的躯体，

一直都勇于面对选择，选择让我相信自己的决定，

一直都勇于承担悲伤，悲伤会幻化为成长的泪滴，

一直都习惯接受决定，没有比接受更难熬的关口，

一直都习惯为别人着想，忘了自己也很重要，

如果有一天，我觉得自己可怜，自暴自弃，活在过去, 害怕清醒，身心疲惫，忘记微笑，

如果有那么的一天，请掴醒我，然后拍拍我的肩膀，
告诉我：没关系，最难熬的都已经过去了，你现在还好好地活着。

我相信，我会一直记得那一巴的力量，然后很积极地生活，为了自己。

我相信，我不会再输给自己，屈服于现实的幻影。