I turned 20 in October of 2009. I think it was a significant milestone to me, because it wasn’t merely just a change in figure, but more about realization and mental change. When I look back on what I have done in these few years, I couldn’t help but to be amazed on how far I’ve walked. I’m not longer the one I was earlier, who would stand and wait for miracles, I believe in doing what I can and see how far I can go. And I did, accomplished things that I’ve never thought of doing, like conquering Acrophobia, seeing cherry blossom for the first time, and celebrating CNY outside. There’s so much more that happened and made my life exuberant and busy.
2009-a year of growing up and to be more matured, I’m grateful with the chosen path.
2010- Continue walking towards my goals, be rational, forgive and let go, stay happy and healthy.
Nothing is going to stop me until I reach my goals.
2009 was a holiyear for me. I travelled quite often last year and set foot on 5 countries (Canada, Malaysia,Thailand, Singapore, United States) in a year, I feel that I’ll never get tired in exploring new places and new faces. All trips were equally distributed among family, friends, and also myself, and it’s always a joy to go on a vacation with them because that’s when all the fun begin.
I enjoy travelling as much as I enjoy music, because seeing things with my own eyes are totally different from the spectacular views seen in pictures. Despite of how amazed I feel at those pictures, it’s still my feelings drive me to my thoughts and memories.
Everytime when I visit a new place, I’ll tell myself :
“Congratulations, you did it again.”
I think this is a form of liberation from all the stress and difficulties, and also an encouragement to myself to be courageous for the following challenges.
More more trips in 2010? Let’s see.
Dad turned 60 in September, a week after I left home. We all had a pre-birthday lunch with the relatives few weeks before his birthday, so that I was there for his birthday. I could never forget that day, because I’ve never missed my parents’ birthday celebration since I was born, including the year of 2008 when mom and dad came to Vancouver to visit me.
The day will still come regardless of how reluctant we are to face the reality, aging is a part of the life cycle. As much as I hope that dad and mom will always be by my side and pamper me like a little baby, there’ll definitely be one day when I have to pick up the responsibility and switch role with them.
Dad, I’m always proud of you, and will always be. I think, my biggest guilt for you is that I can’t help you out in your business, and continue to let it glow like how you started the spark.
After mentally preparing myself for 8 months, I met up with him finally.The way we communicated with each other was the same as last time, still the casual talk and lame jokes.Fortunately, nothing really changes even after so many incidents, and we're still able to remain our friendship. I really appreciate him as the one, as a good friend, and also as a sweet guy in the gang. Perhaps I still value his happiness a lot, that’s why I chose to give him the best blessing that I could offer.
Deep down my heart,I want to thank him because a lot of my gains in Vancouver derived from him. If I did not make the choice at that time, I will not receive and learn as much as I do now. Although sometimes when I look back, I'll think
'What if I took the first step at that very moment?' or
'What if he told me earlier, will things change?'
No. There's no if, there's no looking back. There's no us anymore.
He makes me realize that I can go on alone when I’m determined. I still remember that
I cried on the plane when I first left home, because it was a difficult choice for me.It meant a new start with no foundation at all, I had to push myself forward to live independently in a whole new world.But I carried on with him as my pillar strength and motivation,and made my life as busy as possible. There's nothing for me to forget, because memories are memories, once they are stored, they'll remain. What I needed to do was to learn a way of living a happier life, until I could become everyone's B again.
All tears sprinkled into smiles after 1.5 years, when I did my best to live life happily, when I can fully understand that love is not just about possession but a blessing. There’s no right or wrong, just that I’m not the one, and will never be. But I’m still happy for the fact that he appeared in my life, maybe the reason for his appearance is to tell me that some relationships remain best as friendships, just like me and him.
2009- Time to let go.
2010- Time to love myself more.
-To be continued-