Good fall

Autumn has slipped away silently.

I spent the last few days of autumn by visiting a special cafe and immersing myself into the beauty of coffee art. I also had in-depth conversations with people whom I feel comfortable talking to while taking the last opportunity to capture the last few moments of falling leaves.Hmm, talk is cheap but it's very soul-calming.

I'm starting to get used to the feeling of sending something away optimistically, because every good bye also marks a new hello at the same time. It was a good fall to me, with the usual calm yet a little surprises. Therefore, I'm wishing for a good winter as well, a good December to end my epic year.

See you again next year, Mr.Autumn!

我值得真正的快乐

Wednesday was a good day, I did the one last thing for my past and that soothed my feeling a lot. I knew it was the right thing to do because that's a number that I'll no longer call to, and that's a number that will never appear on the phone screen anymore.

It has been 2 years, without me realizing how times flies with the series of ups and downs in these 2 years. Paulo's quote 'Make peace with your past so that it won't destroy your present' truly rang the bell in me and gave me the ultimate push to do what I should have done much earlier.

Thank you Paulo, thank you my friends, and a big thanks to myself for never giving up every depressing moment which makes me a grateful person in love. I'm glad that everything makes me a better person for the worthy person. I think I've found one, and the rest is all about our progression for deeper understanding. I leave the challenge to time in clearing up my doubt and proving to me that everything is worth the wait.

Confession done。我觉得我值得真正的快乐 =）

Thank God for the gift =）

Life’s good recently despite of the insane workload, I feel like good things are coming my way surprisingly. Thank God, I’m really grateful for the one opportunity that I’ve asked for. Then I start thinking about the 'just nice' theory Val told me earlier, and how it fits into my situation now. As much as everyone hopes that this time will work out for me, I shall not put in extremely high hope to avoid the possible disappointment in the end. I appreciate the good start, but at the same time, I'm doing my best to stay sincere just to bring out the true side of me.For now, I'm just glad with our progression, it's just the way I like to handle things-taking a baby step at a time.

3 more weeks and there comes my break. I hope everything goes well till then.

Go natural!

My friend just commented on my before-and-after make up look, saying that I look very different on both sides.

She went on saying:' I thought it was a good thing because what's the point of making up without looking different or being much more pretty after that?'

I didn't take it as a humiliation although it upset me a little, it was more of a trying-to-prove-myself moment as I started browsing through my pictures to compare them myself. I really agree with her because drawing eyeliner and wearing colour contact lens do make a significant difference on my eyes; they glow up and beautify them. However, being a typical librain, I always seek for a balance between bare and cake face as I do not really want to mask myself with a completely different look after all the beautifying effects make up tools provide. It's ok to have a difference, but I just want to make sure that people could still recognize my true self behind all the gimmicks. To make that happen, I pay a lot of attention to my diet and skincare to ensure my skin looks clean,smooth, and radiant all the time, with or without make up. After all, inner beauty is still what I'm focusing on because I believe in the saying 'inner beauty will bring out outer beauty'.

I don't really mind showing bare face in front of the public. Indeed, I usually go to school with bare face because I'm just too lazy to include make up as part of my daily routine especially when I have 8a.m class! I just want to look more pretty on certain occasions because bare face makes me feel lacking, that is when I'll go for the make up. So yeah, this post is really for those who haven't seen my bare face before, and I thought, why not?

Yeap, it's always go natural most of the time and go pretty on the right occasion for me!

最后的21岁-自我认识篇

21岁，很多人都把它当成是从少年变成大人的转捩点，但有多少人真的领悟它的真谛，慢慢从思想中找到自我，找到那份属于自己的成熟呢？

我不晓得，我只知道，年纪的确让我有了身为大人的觉悟，一年比一年看透更多事情，一年比一年更收敛，这也许就是属于我的成熟吧！成熟，对现阶段的我来说，是懂得帮助与体谅别人的心情之余，也不忽略自己；是善用自己的智慧在值得投资的事情上，不让诱惑埋没了自己的能力；是充分地了解‘小不忍则乱大某’的重要性，再加以应用在日常生活中；是当全世界都质疑你的时候，你只需用行动来证明自己，让它代替语言上的反驳。

成熟，是在考虑任何事情前都加入100分的自己，还有100分我爱的人才能达到的品行。

这一年里，我让自己尝试了很多新的事物，并从中吸取宝贵的知识与教训。我觉得世界之大，我们的知识还真的显得很微不足道，所以更要不断地从各种管道来学习。无论是小知识或大智慧，都能让我对这世界的新奇度有所惊叹。

21岁，我第一次用自己的能力去买了一些自己喜欢的东西。从mp3，手机一直到电子琴，我真的觉得自己成就感满满，因为那都是靠自己一点一滴的努力与耐心去赚取的梦想。当中以买电子琴最让我高兴，因为那是我在这4年内超想做的事情，只是一直忍耐到今时今日才说服自己去买一部属于自己的梦想，就像可欣说的：‘Yay，你终于把梦想给买回家了！’。对啊，我离兴趣又靠近了一步！用自己的能力买东西真的很有成就感，也多了一份肯定自己的自信，就像程又青的熟女条规一样：‘我要用我自己的钱，买我自己的包包，装我自己的故事’。我也要用我自己的钱，创造属于我自己的故事。

21岁的我，在个性上也出现了一些变化。去年患上厌食症让我深有感触，也因为知道是自己情绪管理不佳进而导致精神与压力不佳，所以开始觉得很多事情还不如自己的健康重要。对于大部分的事情，我都选择了以最能舒缓自己压力的方式来解决它。我也非常注意自己的情绪管理，尽可能不引起过度的悲伤或愤怒，情绪尽量不受别人操控就好。至于对在乎的人，我选择了更直接与中肯的相处方式，把自己真实的想法都传达给他们，让他们明白我对他们的用心。对不在乎的人，我也毫不犹豫地选择了删除的方式还对方自由。这也许听起来很狠，但那绝对是我最后的温柔，至少在足够理由发飙的情况下保持冷静让我觉得我很有风度。因为无奈，也不想再让自己有所伤害，所以选择了放开，希望他们能够找到更懂得与他们相处的人。强人所难本来就不是我的个性，而我也不想再亏待自己过不值得我过的生活。

开心，本来就是一种选择，是一种接受，所以我打开那扇大门，正式欢迎它进入我的生活。

21岁，我觉得我活得够精彩，够自在，也够愉快。

心情不好，请容许我做喜欢的事情发泄一下

今天心情烂透了，不过没关系，我相信我自恋一点，多听点歌，睡个好觉就会没事的。 嗯，就这样决定了，希望大家周末过得愉快！

最后的21岁-感情篇

感觉上每一次在生日后写一篇日记已经变成了一种习惯，也许是喜欢总结自己在过去一年的成长，也许是为自己眼神所绽放的坚定而感到自豪，更多的是一种‘我还健健康康地活着’的感恩。 我发现我往往都把自己的感情世界放在文章的最后，也许是一种在乎？还是一种习惯？所以今年我决定打破自己的框框，从自己的感情生活开始写起。

21岁，感情风浪澎湃，遇到4位好好先生，也被好好地对待过，好得让我却步，好得让我相信，原来真的有人会珍惜我的好。只是很可惜我没能让任何一位好好先生搬进自己的心里，也没能好好地回报每一位对我的喜欢。虽然常被很多人问起：‘怎么还没有男朋友呢？以你的条件应该不难找啊’， 又或是更进一步地跳到婚姻的话题，直接催婚了起来。对于这样的问题，其实我已经见怪不怪了，甚至可说是百毒不侵，因为的确是我自己的心不在焉，才会搞成现在的局面。或许是，我已经很明确地确定，感情与条件是非常distinct的两件事，无法相提并论。感情是情绪，条件是理性，一般感觉满满的人很难会做出理性的条件评估；一样地，条件至上的人也无法光靠感觉就能够一直走下去。只要两者都在‘可以接受‘，’还不错‘的范围里面，很多人就会选择一头栽进去了。

我也听过很多人的劝告，尝试跟其他男生约会过再做决定，尽量让自己在感情里放松起来。可是面对感情这么千变万化的事情，我还是不得不投降，因为我真的没办法为自己的喜欢找到一个出口。但是这些都是在努力试过了之后才下的定论，所以我也不觉得有任何值得遗憾的地方。

但我想说，拒绝别人的好，还真的是一件非常难的事情。但，拒绝，总比得过且过来的好，也没那么自私，所以我还是当了那么的一个坏人。

庆幸的是，他们都在离开我之后踏上了各自的路途，也找到了他们自己的公主。看见他们的幸福，让我心里的愧疚感减少了许多，因为他们活得比以前更快乐。毕竟我自己衰就好，总不希望看到别人跟我一样衰，我也希望能够感染他们的快乐呢！所以这一年里，我对感情的看法从悲伤，空洞，再蜕变成为一种喜悦与释怀吧！我常为这种心情上的转变感到自豪，因为对我来说，那是放了自己的真实感，放了自己才能够专心地走接下来的路，接受接下来的美好。

这一年里，我也把自己之前的感情做了一个了结，彻彻底底地把它封到自己的回忆箱子里。这是我第一次正视问题的根源吧，但面对问题教我学会了勇敢，而这份勇敢也为我找到了一个答案，让我更确定我自己所做的选择。因为喜欢过，开心过，努力过，心碎过，流泪过，崩溃过，才再重新来过，这一步步的成长都让我多了一个微笑的理由，所以我始终觉得这些过程对自我成长是好的。虽然这些阶段很令人难受，但它们都让我认识真正的自己与认清事实的真相。毕竟我最难过的并不是两个人没在一起，而是真心从一开始就没被相信过，也因为这样，我坚决地相信摆在我眼前的这个事实。我的死心很倔强，能让我死的了心的决定就代表它已经没有挽回的余地了，所以这一次我可是下了天大的决心要越过这一个坎。他始终不是那个在平行时空里的柯景腾，所以沈佳宜也决定要离开过去，就像书里面说的一样，‘我與他之間的愛情 總算有個不圓滿 卻很踏實的句點’，我们，正是现实生活中的结局。曾经喜欢的两个人，也不一定就适合在一起呐，我算是明白了这种道理。不过我也听说过另一种说法，就是两个人的分开可能会造就四个人的幸福，我很喜欢这种说法，因为它让我觉得黑暗的结束也许是光明的开始。再说事情都已经隔一段落啦，所以我觉得答案也显得不重要了，重要的是，我又微笑着活过来了。

现在的我，最大的挑战就是一个好的时机吧。最近在机缘下遇到了一位好的对象，也隔了很久才再拥有想好好努力的想法。虽然对彼此了解没很深，但总觉得我们有很深的共鸣，拥有很多相同的习惯，是天秤座的关系，还是纯碎的想太多呢？我也不知道，所以我需要的，真的只是一个好的时机去化解这些难题。只是基于这次问题的复杂性，现在并不是发展的最好时机，所以就让时间先让我确定自己的心意吧。

=） 今年生日的其中一个愿望，希望我们都能得到一次努力的机会，只要一次就好。我还真的是第一次许下这么的一个愿望呢，所以希望会成真啦！

Kayak

I’ve a lot to blog about my past summer actually with a series of interesting events occurring in the past few months, but I just didn’t have the ohm to keep up with my scheduled blog posts. Procrastination is always a bad idea and I’m definitely not tolerating it anymore, I realize that I should use my time more wisely. It’s more like a self-reflection before graduation, a wake-up call telling me that time management and fulfilling plans are extremely important in making my life a successful one.

Seriously, I’ve so many things in mind that I don’t know where to start with. So I’m just going to start from the more recent activities and then track back my happenings from time to time.

My friends and I took advantage of the sun and we went kayaking under the sunny weather last month. Kayaking is nothing new to me but somehow I always do this in a foreign country, be it my first time in Gold Coast 10 years ago and the second in Vancouver. I find kayaking very interesting and it’s an activity that would be much more fun to do with a good friend. That’s probably due to the fact that partners who can match with each other’s pace well and move concurrently can halve the exhaustion and frustration of this activity efficiently. Thus, I highly recommend this activity with a good friend or take on another option of 1-person kayak.

And yup, please welcome my crazy buddy Isis’s nails and legs!

It’s also a very good time to do some serious chatting while kayaking because that’s one of the few things you could do in the middle of the lake, apart from being immersed into the natural surroundings.So, just talk!!

That was indeed a very good day of mine in August, with friends and nature, what more can I ask for?

爱笑的傻瓜

很多人都不解我天生爱笑的本性，常会问我说： 你到底在笑什么？ 有什么好笑的事吗？

想起来，我还真的是常常都在笑，可以是在吃饭的半途，可以是在阅读的时候，也可以是在某个很突然的瞬间不期然地笑起来。很多时候，我都是在傻笑，因为我的脑里就好像装满了无限个大笑脸，充当着我笑容的补充器，所以微笑也不会有干枯的一天。也因为这一种态度，让我在别人面前哭不起来，只会本能的笑一笑，然后把烦恼都像折衣服般规律地收起来。真的，看过我哭的人应该觉得很骄傲才对，因为那绝对是我人生中异常珍贵的画面。

曾经有好几个人跟我说过，说他们想看看我发飙的样子，会不会是个微笑着骂人的傻瓜。也有人说，就是我这种人发起脾气来才最恐怖，十足百年才爆发的火山那么有杀伤力。说真的，我也不知道我发飙起来的样子会怎样，虽然会有生气的时候，可就算遇到再衰的事情，再贱的人，我就是提不起劲去骂人。虽然有时候还真的很想看看自己发飙的程度，可我就是那种很难被惹气的类型，真的生气起来就会对那事/人绝望的人，所以心中的那团火也不会待很久。这样对身体也好一点嘛，有效地扑火才能够看见值得自己高兴的事情啊！也许，那时我面对人生，面对世界仅有的态度，笑一笑，再继续努力就好。

话说什么时候，大家可以帮个忙，帮我把火气兼泪都挤出来，让我看看是怎么样的感觉嘛！我也蛮想知道在别人面前大骂个1分钟或是倒头大哭会是什么样的新奇感觉呢！

Very interesting song

教友战友老友女友说过笑话说再见

喊了痛了醉了说了再见让往事如烟

来瞻仰乐观的脸 回忆里蔓延

欢送会 有我的笑脸

我最爱未到了最美燕尾服也是最美

到这葬礼似去派对拍照代替纪念碑

人间偶遇中嬉戏 留底缺憾美 期望你 还念我童言无忌

活得精彩结尾切勿流眼泪 来让我诗歌班里照然沉睡这是自然程序

开心的派对散后无法聚 我于烛光里 祝福一句句都心满意足

若一天你活的很累 纪念我过去 为人如此风趣

笑我赞我怪我爱我要答谢世上每个

跳过跌过试过错过更唱没岁月如歌

浮光里活出真我 人不算白过

原谅我遗下你提前离座

活得精彩结尾切勿流眼泪 来让我诗歌班里照然沉睡这是自然程序

开心的派对散后无法聚 我于烛光里 祝福一句句都心满意足

若一天你活的很累 纪念我过去 为人如此风趣 风趣

（活得精彩结尾切勿流眼泪 来让我诗歌班里照然沉睡）

这是自然程序开心的派对散后无法聚

放我于心里 新的工作一追再去追

未开出最后的花蕊 你别要气馁 何妨留恋一岁 多一岁 一岁

That's the attitude I wish to possess when the world no longer fits me one day.