The most epic dance in my life.

As I told you guys earlier, I danced for my sister wedding entrance. Seriously, dancing was never my thing and I was so freaked out when I got the invitation from my sister. She wasn't pushy on this, but being her only younger sister, I'd love to contribute as much as possible in turning her wedding into a memorable and special one. At the same time, I was worried for my frog-like dancing skills which made me feel so interior of this whole performance. So I was really struggling before I could come out with the final decision- to go all out for my sister for once. It was a once-in-a-lifetime thingy for her, so there was no reason for me to turn it down!

Anyway, we were supposed to follow the Glee dance below.



After watching the video, my only O.S in heart was that: 'I'll be fine as long as I'm not the first girl' because her part seemed to be most challenging to me, with the sweet yet elegant expressions and smooth movements. I was also very worried of the moving shoulder part because I just couldn't imagine myself doing it naturally!But life has always got a way to twist around you ehh, and somehow I was put in front to pair up with the groom's brother, Dwayne.

YADAAAAA.... how am I going to pull this off? In front of 700 people? WAEEEEE......DOUSHITEEEEEE.....DIMGAI.....

Aih, but what's decided is decided, I could only work harder in overcoming my weaknesses to not embarrass myself in front of 700 people.I was so nervous to a point where I started practicing in front of the mirror before the rehearsal to catch up with Dwayne. We were so awkward on our first rehearsal since we were both too shy to dance according to the video, with the other 10 pairs of eyes looking at our dance right on the spot. I felt so pressured!!!

Fortunately, I really had a good partner to guide me and correct my movements as much as possible. Despite of the difficulty in matching up with each other's timing, so much fun were shared through sweat and good food. I enjoyed my time with everyone in the dance crew who were all the J couple's old friends. I admire the friendship bond in them because they have been knowing each other since high school and are still willing to find time to come out with special event like this despite of their busy life schedule, exclusively for their old friends. It was truly a wedding which had friends and marrying couples actively engaging with each other in every joyous way possible. They also gave me so much support and advices to help me in improving my performance, which was very much appreciated.

Despite the exhaustion, I had to say, I had one of the best times in my life doing something out of the box like this.

Despite the bad dancing, I had to say, I did my best to make every effort and blessing count.

I just want to thank everyone who made this happen wonderfully, especially my partner, Dwayne! It must have been uneasy for you to carry me for so many times just to perfect the dance.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING IT HAPPEN! Being accomplished is truly an awesome feeling.

Back with a stronger heart

Oh my, I finally have the time and mood to properly blog about my entire summer. I can’t believe how much I’ve done in my life while leaving the blog empty simultaneously, and I really mean it when I say ‘much’! Having visited 3 countries in a month, I’ve definitely had a taste of staying in different city every night and breaking my own record of taking the most number of flights in a month, to an extent which I felt the need to take a break from a break. However, I think I’ve also qualified myself as a helpful travel buddy from all the things I’ve learned in this traveling month. Also, it’s definitely the best time to know more about a person through the experience of  traveling together, and I can’t help but to emphasize the importance of finding good travel buddies for a truly good trip. 

This summer has got to be the most fulfilling and fruitful season in these three years, as I’ve brought myself closer to my dream while witnessing the accomplishment of some other peoples’ dreams. For the first time after a long while, I’m actually breathing in the joy of dreams coming true again, which is such a down-to-earth and fulfilling moment.

Being the last summer of my undergraduate years, I’ve given myself sufficient time to consider about my future to set things clear. Having to talk about myself with family and friends makes me feel like a grown up, but keeping them from everything they should know about me is not the way I love them, because they are such an important piece in my life. They complete me more than anyone else.

It's just the right time for confession this summer, and I'm glad that, I'm back with a stronger heart after everything.

Life as a multi-tasker

I’m giving all out to music this summer break and devoting a lot of time in composing my own music pieces besides learning about music editing, not only for the sake of competition but also for my own collection. This is not something that I would love to show off ostentatiously because my skills are definitely not matured enough to be proud of, and I’m still in the progress to make this happen. Summer break is the only time where I have full flexibility to unleash my inspiration and put them into words and melody. Therefore, realizing my ideas instead of allowing them flying in my all day long is what my day is really about nowadays!

I’ve actually had a lot of ideas in mind since last time, so it’s just a matter of time and determination to realize my ideas. Everything can be a source of inspiration to me, a tiny sound or touching story etcetera, and I give myself sufficient time to expand on it everyday. Most importantly, I don’t deny about my creativity and the fire in me for music anymore, I unleash them instead.I really want to know how far I could go when I take music seriously.

My recent source of inspiration is G-Dragon’s music.I'm genuinely impressed by his musical creativity and imagination because there are just so many possibilities in his music, to an extent that it gives you a very good picture about the story he is trying to deliver.

OHH I LOVE GD!!!*becoming a fangirl suddenly, blush blush*

Inspirations and hard work are really my valuable assets when it comes to music.

Not only that, I’m also writing script for the first time to prepare for the competition. This is an absolutely new experience to me and I’ve known nothing better than to extract some ideas from tones and tones of music videos, and allow the scenes I’ve created to play in my mind over and over again. Wow, I’ve finally gotten a taste of the frustration of scarce resources throughout this process. I ain’t no perfectionist but having to consider about combined constraints like equipments, time, and results are really killing me sometimes.

Having said that, please please stay tuned for my first music video still, I think it’ll be out in a few weeks time.

Had baking session with mom last week to make up for the lack of CNY cookies I had eaten for the past 3 years. Baking session can be quite painful when it’s done alone, I’ve tried it before and it was extremely exhausting!! However, it’s a totally different story when it comes to baking with a few people since it can turn out to be a fun memory with more people sharing the work.

OOO I haven’t had homemade peanut cookies in years and my mom’s loving act has really melted my heart. She always has a place for me despite of her busy babysitting life, and I truly appreciate that.

I’ve been working out frequently thesedays, and I’m pretty satisfied with the outcome with 2 KGs being lost in 3 weeks. I just have to work hard to shred off another 2 KGs for my ideal weight. Turning my gear on for diet again, and I think this will be my life-time goal.

Of course, how can I miss out these 2 kids when it comes to summer break. Jo Kenn has grown up so much and looks slightly different from the previous pictures.

Babysitting can be quite frustrating at times with the lack of freedom and time. It does enable the thought of giving up on having babies in future to grow in my mind during frustration. And then I’ll come to a self-dilemma and start hating myself for having such a selfish thought. I often think that people who have perfect picture about marriage and children at my age have yet to see the real picture to destroy their ideal thoughts, because I used to think like them too! It’s only until I started getting in touch with children all day long and this experience brings about drastic changes in my thoughts.

Perhaps, I’m not as matured as these people when it comes to handling family issues. I really hope that this is just a phase and I’ll eventually get used to it someday.

Calm down, calm down!! I can do it!

10 reasons to make me a happy soul

1.Will be meeting Valerie this summer in New Zealand!!It was originally a summer trip to Aus for both of us, but funny how it turned out to be a visiting trip to NZ ultimately. Anyway, she is one insane buddy who brings out the craziest side of me, thus I’m really excited that we’re going to meet up after 3 years.

WOOHOO VALERIE TAN, I’M COMING! LOTR I’M COMING TOO!!!

2. Received some candies from my lovely buddies few weeks ago. I really love my buddies because they know exactly how to satisfy my sweet tooth and happy soul.

3. Praised by a stranger at the bus stop. Stranger asked me about the bus schedule and the waiting time, and then he politely returned the favor by saying ‘You will definitely succeed in future because you know your time well.’

4.Re-watched one of my favourite music videos and it is still as captivating as the first time I watched it. I always have a thing for this song, regardless of day or night, it is just magical enough to slow down my pace for 4 minutes.

This is my favourite scene of the music video! It allows me to stay dreamy for a while and swaps away my exhaustion.

5. Went ice-skating with my buddy on a Friday evening. I’m getting better on ice although I exchanged it with a blister at the end of the day. But like my friend says : ‘old skin don’t go, new skin won’t grow’, so it’s definitely worth the pain for a better outcome sometimes.

6.Baby Kenn shaved his hair and he still looks adorable with the new Botak look. I heard him babbling over the phone a few days ago, craving for hugs when mom was talking to me. The voice itself was enough to immerse me into his cute expression.

I bet now you all know what my summer job is going to be!

7. J updated me about her wedding preparation in this summer, from the wedding dress, make-up artist to wedding location, and the most exciting part to me is her church wedding since it’ll be the first church wedding in the house. I dreamt about her wedding a few weeks back, in this grand hotel with golden pillars and many familiar faces chit-chatting in the hotel lobby.I think it’s a good sign for the biggest event of my summer this year.

July, please come faster!!!

8. Read a good line which says ‘Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present’.

9. Learned to communicate with my heart and understand how it compromises with my brain. I’ve no idea since when my brain and heart are rarely interconnected with each other, to the extent where they decided to go against each other and work individually 'literally'. Maybe it’s good to put both things together once in a while and listen to the new melody created.

10. Developed a new idea about ‘love’ in general after seeing so many little events happening to the couples around me. Love is happiest when it’s at its simplest, as I can see their blissful faces after doing something for someone they love. I feel contented seeing their happy faces, and I feel happy to have walked them to their destination. Sometimes I wonder, what can I give best to the people I love? Apart from the care and support, giving them the freedom to choose is the only thing I can do best. It's not that I don't need someone in my life, but whoever that comes back to me is destined, and whoever that fades away is just telling me that we're not meant to be, and so they should be free.

See, I'm complicating things again. Let's get back to the simple life!!!

2010 is the year (12)

2010 is the year, I truly feel satisfied with my current life.

Achieving a balance in life is like hitting another milestone in life, it will only go for the better, not worse. I've always wanted to be grateful for every single day that I’m blessed with, every second spent with my family, every opportunity to witness the growth of my niece and nephews, every learning opportunity in Vancouver, as well as the yearly summer vacations with BFFs. I hoped I could truly feel the gratitude of waking up every morning and inhaling the gratitude for being alive. Because staying alive is a God’s gift, not merely a personal choice.

I spent months and months of self-discovery to accomplish this stage in my life, I worked very hard to improve the quality of my life psychologically. I read, travel, mingle with various friends, learn new languages, earn and save money, date, and everything else I could do in making my life exuberant. What I needed was just a kick to start-off these things and keep up with my motivation, and I’m glad that I found it this year. To me, no one deserves to be in the worst state of life, but one thing we need to accept about life is that life quality will only come after a significant amount of self effort. One must learn to rescue himself and accept the truth from every fall, if one doesn't find the rope to climb out of the hole, he can only be trapped forever.

At this moment of life, I truly understand the meaning of giving and taking, and I don’t force myself to forget about those stressful events but I allow time to wash them away. I’ve also learned to accept the beautiful imperfections which complement the cycle of my life, that it’s normal if things don’t go your way sometimes, just deal with them and move on to the next stage.I understand the consequences of every move I make, so much that the realm of my life involves a lot of decisions making. If I don’t let go some, I won’t gain more from the other aspects. Like my sis says, I too, began to see the half-filled glass instead of focusing on the other half which was empty. I thank God for all the angels sent to me and most importantly, the angel that lies in me all the time, to help me through when I felt completely miserable in my life. I thank myself for slapping myself for reality, to remind myself that it’s time to wake up for another new start of the day. Without the support and self-perseverance, I had no idea where in the jungle would I be in, for now.

2010 is a fruitful year to me. Thank God, thanks to everyone, thanks to myself, I felt loved and there I persevered.

2010 is the year (10)

2010 is the year, my third sister is engaged to her soul mate in life.

This should be the greatest thing I’ve heard this year, because J resembles a huge part of my life since I was young. We were always in pairs since young, she was like Jerry and I was like Tom in the cartoon, she always made fun of me just to make me cry. To her, making me cry simply made up her day. Having said that, she was surely one good Jerry because she helped me out when I hurt my hand from a camp and couldn’t write for weeks. She was the one who helped me to take notes so that I could catch up with my studies. See, Jerry would still rescue Tom in times of hardships!

Moving on to the later stage in life, we’ve integrated our relationship into a more mature one as we begin to open up ourselves to a wide range of discussion topics. She is always optimistic and gives me positive feedback and encouragement to guide me through every misery in life. She’s also my good supper buddy because two of us always make up a spontaneous mamak or pasar malam session.

I feel really happy to see her moving on to the next milestone in her life soon.Thank you for making me in believing that, true love has not ceased to extinction. It may not fall on everyone, but witnessing one from the people I treasure the most is definitely a serendipity in life.

2010 is the year (6)

2010 is the year, I have a better understanding on the up and downside of life.

One of my close friends was recovered from Hodgkin's lymphoma earlier this year, and she could finally liberate herself from the various scanning processes and chemotherapies she had to bear with last year. It was nothing more than a great sense of relief when I received this news because her courage and determination to go through this tough stage at a young age was tremendous in order to put up with the pain and prolonged mental stress. She always admires friends like me who gets an opportunity to continue with my tertiary education at overseas as it would be a lifetime inspiring experience.

But friend, you are much more amazing and courageous than anyone of us here, you have a better grasp on life after the near-to-death experience. You truly earn my salute and appreciate on your perseverance to defend the tough battle, which may be a positive turnover for you to realize the never-ending support from your family, and lastly, the subconscious strength in you. You are one inspiring heroin to me.

2010 is also the year, my dad is diagnosed as an early cancer patient. This striking news came to me a week before my birthday, and it is beyond the pain of words of mouth to hear about this, especially when I am not beside him to gear my full support for him.At one point, I truly feel the melancholy side of life in giving and taking things, so much that I can collapse in front of anybody once I hear the word ‘dad’.

But I’m the hero’s daughter, sinking myself in a deep depression for a prolonged period is my last resort. Therefore, I am doing my best in every part of my life, because I want him to share my proudest moment with me, in hope that he'll breathe in the pride, love, and most importantly,strength within it.

Please get well soon, my hero, and give me a chance to retreat you as much as I can.

Jo Kenn in the house!

LOOK AT HIS NINJA HANDS! He is definitely a potential Ninja fighter in future.

I should have put this up earlier since the baby boy is almost 2 months old now. But better late than never, so let me introduce the new member in my family officially, the small ninja fighter is baby Jo Kenn!! He almost made it on 10/10/10 but he was too eager to see the world a day earlier, so he decided to pop out on the 9th. Anyhow, I’m delighted to welcome this new October baby in the house.

Oh yeah, so now I’m a B with 4 kids around me, and when I come to think of it, I’m not exactly a B in the house anymore since I’ve passed my throne to them since Jia Huey was born.However, I’m more than happy to have one more kid to play with in next summer, as I’m really missing these cheeky kids for now.

Hola, and now I’ve another new target to buy clothes for during my Cali trip. I think I’m getting better at buying kids’ clothes after 2 years of experiences, because my taste preference will automatically switch into kids mode when I’m choosing clothes or toys for them, just to make sure that they’ll like the gift.

For now, I’d rather talk to the kids than having to handle what world has gotten me into.

Thank you for attending the events of my heart.

Past few weeks seemed like a nightmare to me as a string of unfortunate events happened to me, from eating disorder, diarrhea, weird mouse clicking sound, bee sting, till now… dad’s illness. Unfortunate things were lining up for me one after another immediately after I thought I got through a big one. I thought it was going to be a good new start on my way back to Vancouver, but looks like it’s just another journey towards another battle.

Perhaps we humans are constantly battling within ourselves journey after journey, we open the door, venture for a while, then we close the door and hop on to the next door and repeat the cycle again. Maybe, this is what we call as moving on.



Really, this is what I’ve felt last week when my limit is pushed to a higher level and I couldn’t withstand the uneasiness in life. I feel a different level of pain so close to me that it doesn’t tear my heart into pieces, but I’m stunned for a few days without knowing what to do to keep my tears from falling down. It just intrudes my heart and strangles every of my nerves before I can further react on it.



However, I understand something about friendship courtesy to these unfortunates in my life. Some little angels came to me with their warm hearts to light me up. Although they tease me and megabomb me, only I can feel the humour within it and the act of care. To me, teasing me consistently works way better than bringing me out on a treat or talking sweet to me occasionally. They remind me that we’re here to complement each other, for fun and for bun, for pain and for gain. That’s just how our friendships work.

“True friends will come to you naturally, you don’t really have to look for them. They will present if they want to.”

Thank you for the porridge, that’s the sweetest thing on earth for an eating disorder person.

Thank you for the medicine and suggestions, that’s the most practical way to get rid of diarrhea.

Thank you for all the physical and verbal hugs, these are my definitions of love and care.

Thank you for making fun of me just to make me laugh.

Thank you for the accompaniment,that’s the greatest thing in between words of silence.

I may not be in the right position now but I will get back to track soon.

Be optimistic, be tough, believe, and I will begin to see the miracle.

What home has done to me this summer

Recently, I chat a lot with my niece. Her pure innocence and creativity broaden my imagination besides hers. She's just too adorable!!



Recently, I’m so inspired by a video my bestie shared with me.


‘Make believe, and we all can make a difference.’

Recently, I’m amazed at how easily satisfied I can be, even the smallest thing on earth can make me smile.


-A magician gave me a twisted fork right after the magic performance a few weeks back.

Recently, I wake up every morning, smile to myself and think ‘It’s gonna be another brand new lovely day’


-Smile is the best battery in the world I guess, plus it’s environmentally friendly.

Recently, I made my way towards the target set and got slimmer than before. Having said that, I can still donate blood with my weight now ok, so don't tease me on that,my dear husbands!



Recently, I’ve a new weekly task, that is to cut my bangs once in every 2 weeks.It was pretty bad looking at first, but I’m getting better and better at it.*grins*



Recently, my friends added a few new celebrities to my celebrities look alike list, they are SoHee from wondergirls, Yui Aragaki, and Natalie Tong. I’ve heard tones of names since last time, from Rainie Yang to Miriam Yeung, and one thing I feel glad about is that they all look good to me.


Nice, looks like my face is truly ‘one Asia’. Anyway, I’m satisfied with my appearance and constantly feel grateful for my parents' creation. Therefore, do remember my name regardless of who you think I look like.

This is how much homeland can do to me. To me, it’s not really about the food, it’s not about the flag, but it’s about the resources I can truly gain here, I can explore something out of everything and everyone. I can feel happy at wherever places that I'm in, but there’s only one place for me to harbor infinite supply of energy, love, and not to forget

A nice big bed to sleep.

I’ m not afraid to take anything down anymore, if it’s meant to fall, then just let it collapse. If I can’t do it myself, just try a few more times until I get it.

A new term, double strength, triple maturity, quadruple new friends, there's so much more out there waiting to be embraced. Another new life, I'm coming!

I’m so happy for you

Got a super good news before I went to sleep yesterday.

‘ Jef Ong is engaged to Jacey in India.’

Oklah, I added India at the end because I think Taj Mahal is one cool place for wedding proposal, that’s why I think putting India at the back of the sentence makes it more complete. Although I’ve been expecting this for a long time, I still feel excited when the real thing actually happens. This joyous news kept me awake until 2 a.m because my brain was instantly flashback to a string of good times I spent with my third sister.

She’s three years older than me and I spent my childhood time playing with her the most (although she liked to make me cry). But what I adore the most from her is her perkiness because she always sees things in an optimistic way.We eventually become confidant as we grow older, and there's absolutely nothing that I can't tell her. She's my counselor, confidant, skin care ‘consultant’, joker, mamak buddy and everything else in my life, there’s always a trace of her in it.

The thought of her entering another stage in her life excites me a lot, especially with someone whom I've been seeing quite frequently since 5-6 years ago. To me, he’s already a part of the family since long time ago. I’m so so happy for them because they’ve been together for 8 years as far as I know, besides being the first marrying couple I’ve seen who started their relationship since high school.
This good news of the year keeps me smiling for the whole day as I’m constantly grateful for all the good things that pop up around the people I love.

Hola, this is my song for you guys. Happy engagement!

A young and tough fighter ever

Reading stories of the others can be really inspiring sometimes. Every little thing can be inspiring, it injects some power into your life and makes you feel like you’ve the absolute power to make a difference in another person’s life when you’re powerful enough to control your mind and soul.

This is the third year we all are fighting for our beloved little boy Jia Kenn on CP, especially his parents. He is a tough boy, I dare say he’s tougher than anyone of us when we were at his age. The pain he endures from all sorts of therapies is really beyond description, not to mention his effort in going through all the traumatizing things at such a young age. I see how he has been occupied with all the activities everyday and how he has been fighting with them all the while. Really, I’ve never thought so much about health until I’m touched down with some real life examples from the closest person around me.

When we knew about his condition, I used to ask myself one question: Why must it be him? He’s just a baby, why must he go through so much pain and a much more difficult life?

The question remains until I read my sister’s blog one day and she says:

‘But, ugly truth always catches up with you. Truth has a nasty way of slapping you in the face sometimes. It keeps reminding you everyday with the difficulties he has to deal with as he grows older. e.g. scoliosis.’

We don’t ask why when we’re chosen for a talent, a good life, a golden opportunity or anything good and lucky, so why should we ask why when we’re given a much more challenging path than the others? We shall never ask what God has hideously planned for us, but we go through it and learn a lesson about life from there. Life has a way of going on its own without giving you a reason sometimes, until you’re willing to accept the reality and deal with it then only will you understand the reason behind it.

Also, why must we think of it as a misfortune? His presence is a gift to all of us in the family, we always feel grateful for him and big Kenn. But I never even want to think of him as a special kid, because he is just like everyone of us: to gain the general acceptance in the society, besides being able to walk and take care of his own in future.

Since then, I refused to ask why anymore because I’ve so much faith in him, I believe the day when I see him walking and hearing ‘yiyi’ from him is not far if we support him all the way down the road. Also, I’ve gained so much power from Jia Kenn, so I really hope that he’s also pumped up with all the support around him and keep up the good work until he reaches the miracle.



I love the boys, very very much. I feel thankful for the boys, very very much.
Thank you Kenns’ mama for the boys and also all the hard work all these while.

While we are still ranting so much about our lives, have we ever thought of those who suffer so much more than us, so much that’s enough to keep our mouth shut and just keep going on with our well-gifted opportunity to live.

It’s a pleasure to be given an opportunity to live an ordinary life and possess all that we have, have you ever thought of it?

Show your love.

Mk shared this song on her blog recently and it’s “My wish” by Rascal Flatts.



“And while you’re out there getting where you’re getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.”

I’ve no fear in showing my love and care to my family and friends nowadays. I hug, cheer, talk, write e-mails, and do my best in keeping us as close as possible because I hope they know that they mean a lot to me. Unspoken support has less significance than showing it out and letting them know about it because many chances just pass by like a fly due to the untold feelings and unrevealed concerns. Because actions give more strength to a person, don’t ever hide your feelings and expect them to know that you love them. There will come a day when even the toughest person on earth needs some attention from you.



This is especially important to my parents. Leaving home and only going back once a year has encouraged me to show my love to my family whenever I have the opportunity. Every year, I’ll either call home or D.I.Y birthday cards for my mom and dad. The first thing I do when I see my mom every year is to give her a hug. By hugging her, the long lost warmth comes back to me again and proves to me that it feels so good to be my parents’ daughter, and a hug means more than anything else in a moment like this.



My besties like to hug me even for the smallest favor in the world, and I do hug them back for such a sweet retreat. I love sending cards and messages to them, because I’m strongly confident with the fact that distance won’t keep my heart apart from you guys. I can still do a lot of things for you guys despite of the distance. I still believe that everything is about effort in maintaining a friendship. That’s the reason why I treasure friends who’re willing to do the same for me, than those who keep their love in heart and continue to be an invisible person.

That’s when you say we’re a family, and you’ll never give up on me.
That’s when you call me because you know that I’m in deep trouble.
That’s when you run under the rain with me after school.
That’s when you scold me for the sake of my own good.
That’s when you tag me in your photos although I'm not in it.
That’s when you hold my hands and say “I’ll walk you through this shit, that’s what friends are for.”

That's when I love you.

So, we should really do FML a justice and give it a whole new meaningful definition, FML=Friends+Family for Miraculous Life. There are always good and bad sides of things even when it comes to abbreviation.^.^ So Smile!

The Kenns say cheese!

So another day my housemate and I suddenly touched on the topic of pregnancy and having kids.Both of us think that having kids is a big responsibility, so we may not be able to handle it. Being a typical future economist, she started talking about the cost of nurturing a child.

The funny part was that she was standing in front of the door and talked so seriously while standing there for 10 minutes. Come to think of it, we’ve done all sorts of crazy things before, can even stand and sing for a song, and then get back to assignments, so this random yet in-depth conversation isn’t something unusual.

Anyway, back to the topic. I think kids are wonderful creatures and gifts by God, and I see the difference between a family before having a child and after a child is present in the family. Well, at least in my family, the change is great and joyous. Everyone feels so blessed and happy with their presence, their parents are happy, and grandpa and grandma always talk about their grandsons, the yi-yi’s can’t stop buying and thinking of new toys and clothes for the twins and also the little niece.

However,I can’t foresee myself having kids in future, I doubt if I’d ever marry in the first place. The presence of my nephews and niece inject some pure happiness and innocence into my life, they complete my life as an aunt. Therefore, I'm grateful with what I have for now and I truly enjoy the feeling, because I may not have the same experience in future, as they’ll grow up one day and start venturing for their life adventure.

Happy New Year , Big Kenn and Small Kenn. Your popo said you guys are getting cheekier, Big Kenn doesn’t want to thank popo for making milk for him huh. Naughty!

Small Kenn enjoys swimming a lot, and we can always bring him for swimming nowadays since there’s a pool in our residential area. Whee!

And Kenns’ mama , do take care of yourself and never stop believing in miracles too, because I chose to believe that the day will finally come. He’s always the tough and good boy in my heart.

When I look back into 2009 Part 1

I turned 20 in October of 2009. I think it was a significant milestone to me, because it wasn’t merely just a change in figure, but more about realization and mental change. When I look back on what I have done in these few years, I couldn’t help but to be amazed on how far I’ve walked. I’m not longer the one I was earlier, who would stand and wait for miracles, I believe in doing what I can and see how far I can go. And I did, accomplished things that I’ve never thought of doing, like conquering Acrophobia, seeing cherry blossom for the first time, and celebrating CNY outside. There’s so much more that happened and made my life exuberant and busy.

2009-a year of growing up and to be more matured, I’m grateful with the chosen path.
2010- Continue walking towards my goals, be rational, forgive and let go, stay happy and healthy.

Nothing is going to stop me until I reach my goals.



2009 was a holiyear for me. I travelled quite often last year and set foot on 5 countries (Canada, Malaysia,Thailand, Singapore, United States) in a year, I feel that I’ll never get tired in exploring new places and new faces. All trips were equally distributed among family, friends, and also myself, and it’s always a joy to go on a vacation with them because that’s when all the fun begin.

I enjoy travelling as much as I enjoy music, because seeing things with my own eyes are totally different from the spectacular views seen in pictures. Despite of how amazed I feel at those pictures, it’s still my feelings drive me to my thoughts and memories.

Everytime when I visit a new place, I’ll tell myself :

“Congratulations, you did it again.”

I think this is a form of liberation from all the stress and difficulties, and also an encouragement to myself to be courageous for the following challenges.
More more trips in 2010? Let’s see.


Dad turned 60 in September, a week after I left home. We all had a pre-birthday lunch with the relatives few weeks before his birthday, so that I was there for his birthday. I could never forget that day, because I’ve never missed my parents’ birthday celebration since I was born, including the year of 2008 when mom and dad came to Vancouver to visit me.

The day will still come regardless of how reluctant we are to face the reality, aging is a part of the life cycle. As much as I hope that dad and mom will always be by my side and pamper me like a little baby, there’ll definitely be one day when I have to pick up the responsibility and switch role with them.

Dad, I’m always proud of you, and will always be. I think, my biggest guilt for you is that I can’t help you out in your business, and continue to let it glow like how you started the spark.



After mentally preparing myself for 8 months, I met up with him finally.The way we communicated with each other was the same as last time, still the casual talk and lame jokes.Fortunately, nothing really changes even after so many incidents, and we're still able to remain our friendship. I really appreciate him as the one, as a good friend, and also as a sweet guy in the gang. Perhaps I still value his happiness a lot, that’s why I chose to give him the best blessing that I could offer.

Deep down my heart,I want to thank him because a lot of my gains in Vancouver derived from him. If I did not make the choice at that time, I will not receive and learn as much as I do now. Although sometimes when I look back, I'll think

'What if I took the first step at that very moment?' or
'What if he told me earlier, will things change?'

No. There's no if, there's no looking back. There's no us anymore.

He makes me realize that I can go on alone when I’m determined. I still remember that
I cried on the plane when I first left home, because it was a difficult choice for me.It meant a new start with no foundation at all, I had to push myself forward to live independently in a whole new world.But I carried on with him as my pillar strength and motivation,and made my life as busy as possible. There's nothing for me to forget, because memories are memories, once they are stored, they'll remain. What I needed to do was to learn a way of living a happier life, until I could become everyone's B again.

All tears sprinkled into smiles after 1.5 years, when I did my best to live life happily, when I can fully understand that love is not just about possession but a blessing. There’s no right or wrong, just that I’m not the one, and will never be. But I’m still happy for the fact that he appeared in my life, maybe the reason for his appearance is to tell me that some relationships remain best as friendships, just like me and him.

2009- Time to let go.
2010- Time to love myself more.

-To be continued-

My Hero's Big Day

One of the highlights before my summer break ended fell on the 30th August, when we decided to have a pre-birthday party for my dad this year, in conjunction with his 60’s.



Something special about this celebration was that we made it on a Sunday afternoon, when everyone was in the hype of a long weekend and fully relaxed for a small reunion among the relatives for a good catch up. It all took place in Negeri Sembilan, which is also my dad’s hometown.



Dad was 40 years old when I was born, and he was already a successful businessman at that time, at another peak of his life. Many people say, it was my sheer luck to have been born in a family like this, having no worries for financial burden or being left in a dilemma of family break-ups. I definitely have no doubt on that, because what they said was true.



I travelled to Switzerland with my family when I was 9, when the flight passenger seat was twice my size, when I was slightly higher than the luggages. First time of visiting a snow mountain, first time visiting a western country, first time eating chocolate unstoppably, so many first-time experiences took place because of the breadwinner in my family, all because of his effort that widened my tiny eyes when I was only 9. He taught me through exploration, instead of verbal education.



When I was 10, dad brought me to look up everywhere for Monopoly, mall after mall, Toy’R’us after Toy’R’us just because of my adolescence and super-want-it kinda face, and the Monopoly costs a hundred bucks at that time. Despite of the spoilt-brat I used to be, I learnt something from there, that dad did his best to give us what we wanted, besides what we really needed.



Until I was 17, I went on a youth exchange to visit Japan for 3 weeks. I extremely wanted this golden opportunity and this decision maker in the house didn’t object it. Because of his generosity, I gained one of the most precious experiences in my life.

‘Love is giving a chance to the person you love to achieve her dream.’




These are just some trivial stories out of the large pool of things he did for me, until I feel so grateful for him because things had no way to occur if it wasn't because of him.And true enough,the only thing I can promise him is to live good, take charge of my own life and don’t regret. He wants me to succeed in life, in a way that I’m comfortable with it but not fulfilling his desires. He wants me to be happy, and probably establish my own family in future.



Dear daddy,

Do worry less about me as I should really be responsible with myself, decide on my future and work on it.Although I always have you, mom and Js' support, I realized I should take the initiative to explore the world and tell you the answer, the answer which will make a difference in my life.

I’m always grateful that mom and you held my hands and brought me to this world, because being part of the family is the most blissful thing, a bliss that I couldn’t imagine what would happen without it. Therefore, I’ve always wanted you to live good, be happy and enjoy every bit of your life for now. Go for trips without worrying us, stop working too hard and chill more, and maybe chat with me a little longer next time? You're usually always quiet and that makes our conversations really short, including the time I called back to wish him on his birthday, it only took 56 seconds for the entire call. However, I promise, I will improve my talk and understand you more, know your past stories and just you.

I’m lucky, I feel blessed. And I really want you to share my achievements in life with you.

谢谢你教我学会了中文，
谢谢你让我进女校，
谢谢你令我明白世界之大，成绩之小，
谢谢你给我的一切，一切。

Happy 60th my hero, an everlasting one.

Love,
Mun.

A gift from me to you

Because they always have something to say

I'm a child who has always been compared to my third sister. Generally, people apt to prefer my sister than me,which is something that is understandable, since she is better in my opinion.

But things become hurtful when you are being compared for every part of your life,from your skin complexion all the way to intelligence, especially to a sibling who matters so much to you. They like to be a critic to me instead of being an angelic compliment giver to my sister.I bet they either like to thrill me or they really dislike me so much that it's a joy to upset me.

They love to say:

A: Your sister is smarter than you.
B: Your sister's skin is smoother, fairer than you.
C: Your sister's hair is silkier, moisturized than you.
D: Your sister is slim, you're fat.
E: Your sister looks younger than you.
F: Your sister is prettier than you.
G:Your sister............., .........., THAN YOU.

It wasn't a concern to me initially, until recently when I hear it so often, so often that they all upset me by a little. I don't want to be mad at anybody, neither do I want to throw a tanthrum at someone else just by an opinion like this. I opt to not feel myself being a worthless piece of junk, whenever I'm being compared to my sister. Because I am me, I don't need authorization to prove myself, I'm authentic. So I accepted these criticsms all and reminded myself not to take their words for it. I smile, keep silent, and walk away after a while.

I want to become a happy soul, but not to dehydrate my life by the others. Also,I love my sister, and I've always thought that she's an amazing individual that ever exists in my life. She has taught me priceless lessons, problems that I could never breakthrough without her words.Because she's loved, I'll never let someone else's words to destroy our relationship after all.I can't control what other people comment, but I can manipulate mine by closing my mouth and staying hands off on those comments. I well understand that comparison among siblings is a killer, so don't stress yourself to listen if you really don't want to see yourself turning into a no confident, stressful maniac.


I believe most of us here will have issues like this among siblings, but I believe more in God's creation. We were born to be unique,so just accept yourself for who you are but not what others think you are, they assume, they think and they don't fully know you. Because they always have something to come up with, you can't be easily upset by simple words like these. Really, it is okay to not be praised by anyone, as long as you appreciate yourself and achieve something through your own hands. Pave my own route and keep going on with it is my goal.


Because I'm still loved by parents and sisters, I'm still being appreciated by myself,so what about all these? So what? Of course, they can also do a favor by skipping 'than you' for every sentence, and turn it into a nice compliment to my sister, since I now feel, receiving no harsh words is an achievement.

Grasp it the hard way, love it the right way.

‘When you become who you wanted to be, don't forget why you wanted to be that person in the first place.’

It was in my secondary classmate, Adila’s facebook profile that I saw this sentence and it struck in my Saturday afternoon.

I’ve been looking for my role in life most of the time, because all the while I think, my existence was merely a surprise, since God gave me a chance to live humanly, I should firstly appreciate the ones who brought me to this world, before planting some self-esteem in me. Because they didn’t give up on me, that’s why there is not a valid reason that I should give up on myself at all means.

So I started my journey to look up for the perfect position that can fit me in since young. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a smart person, and I strived hard to keep up with my promise. Workbooks and tuitions were my good friends because of all the guarantees they would have made to my future. I never thought that I put on a lot of pressure in myself, because I knew I could live through it in exchange for a good grade. No one in class even bothered looking at my results because I wasn’t a top scorer, neither was I a teacher’s pet. In the end, I realized it was nothing that I achieved but I already felt tired with my life, the inhumane homework and tuition.

‘And so I asked: Why did I want to become a smart person in the first place?’

And then I moved on, I still wanted to be an outstanding academic performer, but being able to enjoy my life, at least by a bit, I hoped. My tuition classes reduced slightly and I had more outings with friends and family. I would still sleep on my books and memorizing history deadly when examinations were around the corner, I mind my marks and class position very much. But a little different from the past,I enjoyed myself better this time round because I had more outdoor activities. I still followed strictly to curfews and mom’s advices,mainly because I didn’t need a reason to offend it.

‘And so they said: A mummy’s girl who doesn’t dare to be rebellious, do you live for your parents?’

They didn’t tell me straight off on my face, but it didn’t feel any better to have discovered this through other sources.

‘I started to think: Why was I a mummy’s girl?’

I then realized I wasn’t very brilliant or smart, so I accepted the truth to live according to my level and bear with it. This time, I just want to be an average person and do my best for everything that I'm concerned with. I believe more in the learning process which will lead to a better outcome, but not just skipping right to the results without looking at the path you've taken. Also, I tried different sorts of things to find out my interest, and live the way I want it to be while respecting my parents’ decision. Because they didn’t give up on me, that’s why I should prove myself to them, in a different way. I want to contribute to the society, through actions and knowledge. Of course, it is too early for me to say anything, but I’m much more willing to give my life away for a meaningful reason, like doing charity work, donating blood and organs, sharing my friend’s problems etcetera, to give my support.

Because everyone will die one day, and it’s not those that you can’t carry with you that make you cry, but those that you’ve done and can carry with you that give you a reason to smile.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be smart because of the glorious moments and awards I would receive. It was the fame that stole my thoughts and made me live for it, although I didn’t achieve anything big in the end.
Till I was a teenager, I still wanted to be as outstanding as possible,because I didn’t want to lay back and wait for the others to go ahead of me.

But I’m already a young adult now, sometimes I even think I’m childish enough to be a “Kidult’’, I understand that it is an undeniable fact that there are millions of people lining up in front of me, in terms of talent,performance,appearance, that there is nothing I poccess to outcompete them. I don’t feel sorry for being so kiasu in the past, because it has injected confidence in me.However, I can now channel this kiasu-ness to produce more significant and charitable activities, but not to get ahead of the others. I was happy to be a mummy’s girl, because that gave me no reason to guilt on things I wish I could have never said it out and done it to my parents.These were the stepping stones for me to understand, who do I actually want to be.

Because of all these, I began to see myself and the best place for me to stand in; to be myself and still never give up. I can still use my tiny power to help, obey and achieve, to respect life and bite it hard. I don’t need to be angry to those who kicked me hard and never able to leave a footprint in my heart, because they just missed out some of the good parts in my life, that never mattered to them anyway. We just didn’t make it through.

That's why,I chose to be a happy and healthy person who knows how to appreciate, like how mom and dad would pray for me all the time.

Fortunately, I’m one for now and I know why I want it so badly. Because I give my life away to the 2 persons that gave me a life, mom and dad.

Why??You think raising a child is so easy?? I daresay that babysitting is such a restless and sacrificing job, the hardest task in life ever,because I've experienced it.Also due to the experience as a babysitter,it enriches my life and roots my appreciation towards my mother.

I finally understand, that I was, and am already at the best position all these while, just that I didn’t realize, it is important to make the ones beside us happy, rather than dreaming on the impossible, which won’t last long even when they become possible.

Thank you for giving me a chance.

The naughty dog

He is undoubtedly the one that I miss the most at the moment.

He likes to shake his butt every time we come home. He likes cloth more than bone, so it’s very common to see him carrying a cloth around my house most of the time. He likes to steal the ‘fatt gou’ my mom uses for praying, and then secretly eats it without anyone’s acknowledgement, until we see the pink spots on his mouth.Then, he'll smartly hide his evilness by showing innocent face after getting stares from us on his naughty act. I bet if he knows human language, he'll say:

'NA NA NA NA NA, YOU CANNOT CATCH ME, IT'S TOO LATE!!'

He'll feel sad when he doesn't get our attention, it's sensible because he will just lie on the floor with a 'moody' face expression.But that won’t last long because ...
because....

He easily falls asleep. Just like his dear owner, he'll sleep when he's bored.

I always feel thankful for him because he’s such a loyal company, never miss the time when I play piano, sometimes he’ll even fall asleep after an hour or less of ‘musical hypnosis’. It’s my privilege to be awarded such a silent supporter. He may not mean on what he does, but the human-animal bond simply shows the magic.

Okay, stop dreaming in the midst of studying.

'Pluto Chong, wait for me to come back!'

Perhaps I should say to myself: Yea, just one more week for everything to be over.