Feelings that are beyond description

Have you been through a moment like this?

You feel the unhappiness, but you know pretending is the best way to liberate the depression.

So silence takes place.

You feel the anger, but you know you'll be guilty at the end of the day, by throwing a tanthrum at someone else.

So silence takes place.

You feel the stress, but so does everyone else.

So silence takes place.

The worst thing that happens is to feel the sea of emotions flowing through my mind, but I can't lie to myself and say 'it's going to be okay' anymore.

So you decided to break the silence,but then you're always back to your usual role, and start listening stories of theirs. You can't make it for yourself, but you can benefit the others. So you listen.

Listen to their thank you. They say you're a good friend. They say you're a good listener.

They say you're obedient. They say you're so determined.

And then some start the fire, saying that they're an outsider of your life, for hiding your problems behind the curtains. They say, you don't share your opinions to them. It sounds like being speechless is a sin, not being able to meet me is a fault.

Someone says: It's like you don't need me, I'm an outsider of your life.
I know you won't tell the truth, because you always try not to hurt the others.

And this someone, is just a new friend I've met, not someone who's suitable for saying things like that.

For the first time, I feel scared, as though all sirens are turned on, leaving me with no way to handle it.What can I do to make him understand that, I like my current life? That the problem does not fall on him, but my preference to stick with my life, because he can't change my mind?

Also, for the first time, I think scoring an 80 in exams is easier than turning down people.

My method was efficient to all people before him,and they all understood it and managed to live even better life after me.

What can I do?

*p/s:Friends, don't be sensitive here, the post only refers to a few people, especially to a person. So don't tag yourself for it, if you think you're darn right for what you've been doing all these while.*