Tonight,I was very bored looking at the 2 cans of cream soup to be used for my assignment, I bet I’ll dream of the ingredients if I continued looking at them.Quick enough,I made an impulsive decision to give night walking a first try since I had no idea what to do and who to turn to.
Although it was raining lightly, my legs were not in control and I had a strong urge to get out of the house. I thought it would be a good idea to walk around the campus under the rain, just like how I used to walk under the rain with Val on our way back home from school, until our shoes and socks were soaking wet.
Just that, I was all alone this time.
I’m not a lone ranger, but I really couldn’t recall anyone who would do such a crazy thing with me in the midst of the night, at 11+ pm when it was still raining outside. I don’t think anyone would be up for me.
Someone told me that jogging will stimulate happy hormones, but that didn’t work well on me. So I tried on night walking, since I haven’t been going out on my own in a while, thus I really don’t mind going out for a walk alone. What I really needed was a quiet place, a clear mind, an MP3, and a pair of legs to keep me walking.
So I began my journey and started walking to those familiar places in which I’d pass by a few times everyday during school days. I'm always in a rush during schooldays, walking at the speed of light and neglecting the surroundings most of the time. Therefore, I took very small steps this time and tried to scrutinize everything which passed by me, attempting to capture everything on my sight. There were people who walked in the opposite direction as mine , they must be thinking that I was insane since I was the only one moving toward somewhere where the public transit couldn’t be accessed.
I walked from the west side to the east side of the campus, stopped by at rose garden, then I moved on to the west side again, passed by Thunderbird stadium. The whole journey took me approximately 1+ hour. It felt good to be clueless on my destination, and proceeded down the road leisurely. I didn't have to worry about the time and walked until I felt like going home. If it wasn’t because of the rain, I think I could have stayed outside for even longer and take a sit on a bench somewhere. Frankly, I think I should make use of my tuition fees and explore the campus as much as possible since my parents have paid so much for it. It should be the place for everything from study, accomodation, scenery (slightly), to achievement, then only can it fit the slogan 'a place of mind'.
My mind is so jumbled up with all sorts of things and that screw me really hard. I can’t make it feel right,and I don’t know how to amend it. I’ve everyone’s problem with me, and when I finally have time for my own problems, I can’t find a person to turn to. It was my first time apologizing to someone for not being able to chat with her after a couple of minutes, because I wasn't feeling very right at that time. If I didn't stop at that very moment, it would have become her turn to worry about me. But you see, I seldom lose my patience to listen,it has been my all-time role among my friends.It makes me feel so guilty when I fail to carry out my role properly.
All these while, I never really ask for anything. But suddenly, I feel like talking on the phone in the midnight when I can't sleep. Suddenly, I feel like unraveling everything and borrow someone's shoulder to lay on. Suddenly, I feel like borrowing someone's time and let myself all out.
Gah. I miss those times when I had the chance to tell out my secrets, when they ain't secrets in front of you guys.