I fell,I learn,I gain and I recover

Meeting back the people that I've given my heart to,looking back the road that I've chosen,thinking back the past memories which have matured my thinking,judging every decision that I've made...I'm miserable!!I'm lost....It took me 5 years to understand the fact that some people are just unforgettable.They are not out of reach,because I just need to look inside my heart and I will find you there.I was once standing on the crossroad of my life...choosing the right path to proceed.I know if I chosed the road that I've chosen today...I already lost him.That was the day he was leaving my life and a little by a little,his shadow was gone.But I still chosed the tough path..It was a new life,a bitter life for me.Smart school..that's what everyone says,but unfortunately there is a dumb me making it not a smart school.The life there was hard...really hard!I console myself...5 years is just a blink of eye,that's what I can do.I tried very hard to cope with the life in SA..and I knew some great friends there which is only the happiest thing that I've got in SA.They will be the only one for me to remember...nothing else!I felt unhappy..I told my mom...and it was 3 years after when I told my mom again.How many 3 years can I have...It's coming to an end now.I'm leaving my school next year,and that's it.I lost myself,I lost a lot of things in my life.I study,study and study,I managed to achieve something academically,but not mentally.I lost my natural feeling...I feel that I do not love anyone anymore.I do not know how to love anyone anymore,my cowardness has inhibited me from knowing anyone.I live in my own world...and yesterday I met him.My special feeling to him has gone...I felt peaceful and calm.I didn't tend to greet him,never!At that moment,I was liberated from him.He has become a faded memory.I do not blame anyone but myself...I've changed to someone else that I don't even know....I do not deserve to have this!I gained a lot in SA,that was the place I fell,and rebuild myself into another strange character.Now that I've recovered,but I've lost myself!!!I really think that a precious part of me has been taken away as time goes by.I still treat my friends honestly,I still put my family first,I still care for my study,but I'm lying to myself.I didn't know it's right or not...but I gained something.I regret but it's unchangeable.I can only continue...I can do it!!I really can...

Thanks for reading,that just shows how much you care for me.I'm just not feeling good today...forget about this rubbish!!